Don't Let Insults Get the Best of You: 3 Strategies To Handle Insults Effectively
Have you ever been insulted and felt your anger boiling up inside of you? Or perhaps someone has said something that hurt your feelings, but you didn't know how to respond? We've all experienced this at one point or another, and it can be difficult to control these strong emotions. But don't worry – Stoicism provides strategies to help you keep calm while dealing with insults. This article will explore three simple yet effective strategies for handling insults and regaining control of our emotions. So if you're looking for ways to manage the inevitable insults life throws at us, read on!
TL;DR
- Developing a Stoic mindset is essential for dealing with insults.
- Be mindful that everyone has flaws, mistakes, and failures; practice empathy and kindness when responding to insults.
- Focus on what you can control - your thoughts and actions.
- Using humor, ignoring the insult, or speaking your truth are proper ways to react to insults.
What are insults?
To develop a strategy to handle insults, we first need to understand their different types and what they are. Basically, insults are a way of attempting to diminish someone in some way. This can happen verbally and non-verbally only through behavior.
It's also very individual; what one might take as an insult, another wouldn't care about at all. Furthermore, almost every action can be insulting when performed at the wrong time and context.
Lastly, it's crucial to understand that insults can happen intentionally and unintentionally. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Haven't we all been in that situation where words just slip out of our mouths, only to realize later that they were hurtful and insulting to someone else?
According to Wikipedia, these are the top insult types:
- Uninterest signals
- Boredom signals
- Impatience signals
- Superiority signals
- Deformed-compliment signals
- Mock-discomfort signals
- Rejection signals
- Mockery signals
- Symbolic insults
- Dirt signals
Ready to have some fun? Then grab a pen and paper and answer the following questions after you've read the article:
- How do you react to the insults mentioned above?
- Which ones are hurtful to you, and which ones don't bother you?
- Which of them have you used to insult others?
Make yourself familiar with these insulting types and think about when they insult you and when they don't. Know yourself! That's the first step to effectively deal with insults. And, by the way, it's one secret why Stoicism is so helpful - it leads to better self-knowledge and self-understanding, thus making adversities and challenges easier to handle.
Strategies to handle insults
Knowing what insults are and what insults you personally paves the way for effective strategies to deal with them. Let's start!
Strategie 1: Your mindset is everything
Having the right mindset is essential when dealing with insults.
"Does anyone do wrong? It is to himself that he does the wrong. Has anything happened to you? Well, out of the universe from the beginning everything which happens has been apportioned and spun out to you. In a word, your life is short. You must turn the present to profit by the aid of reason and justice. Be sober in your relaxation." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.26
While insults are harmful to most people, you can turn them into something beneficial with a Stoic mindset. Use it as a chance to practice the Stoic virtues. Use reason, and assent only to what is true when you've considered all perspectives wisely.
To sum up: develop a Stoic mindset to prepare yourself against insults. That's our first strategy. Be prepared!
Strategy 2: Empathy and Kindness
"Nature brought us to birth as kin, since it generated us all from the same materials and for the same purposes, endowing us with affection for one another and making us companionable. Nature established fairness and justice. According to nature's dispensation, it is worse to harm than to be harmed. On the basis of nature's command, let our hands be available to help whenever necessary. Let this verse be in your heart and in your mouth: 'I am a human being, I regard nothing human as foreign to me.' Let us hold things in common, as we are born for the common good. Our companionship is just like an arch, which would collapse without the stones' mutual support to hold it up." Seneca, Letters on Ethics, 95.52-53
Have you noticed the important sentence? "I am a human being, I regard nothing human as foreign to me." Let this always be your reminder when dealing with insults. You are a human, too. A human with flaws, failures, and mistakes. So, too, are others. When the insult was unintentional, practice forgiveness. It could have happened to you as well.
"Whenever somebody wrongs you, ask yourself at once, 'What conception of good and evil led him to commit such a wrong?' And when you have seen that, you will pity him, and fee neither surprise nor anger. For you yourself still hold the same opinion about what is good as he does, or another not unlike it; and you are thus obliged to forgive him. Or if you no longer suppose that things of that kind are good or bad in themselves, you will find it easier to show kindness to one who is still in the dark." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.26
When you're sure the insult was intentional, practice forgiveness, too. Wooohooo, what a surprise! Forgive the one wandering in the dark, not knowing about human nature, unable to use their capacity for reason, and still not understanding that humans are made for each other. Like a child can't adequately express their emotion, the same is with someone insulting you purposefully. Those people don't know it better; they've never learned it. Don't get angry, be empathetic instead. Others might try to insult you, but actually feeling insulted is in your hands.
You see, insults are an excellent chance for Stoics to practice kindness and empathy. Essential character traits to flourish as a human being and reach eudaimonia. By now, insults hopefully lose some of their destructive power to you. Instead, you should begin to see them as a training tool to strengthen your character. Or what's your opinion?
Strategy 3: Control the controllable
Practice the dichotomy of control and acknowledge that insults are just externals. They are nothing you can control, but you can control your thoughts and actions. How you respond to an insult is ultimately up to you.
Control your thoughts:
- Could you misinterpret the message?
- Keep in mind that your feelings only affect you.
- Whoever controls your emotions controls you. Is it worth giving someone else so much power over yourself?
- Accept insults as dispreferred indifferent.
Actions you can take:
- Try to respond with humor.
- Ignore the insult completely.
- Walk away.
- Take a deep breath and count to 10 before you choose how to react.
- Speak your truth. When insults do hurt, it's okay to speak up for yourself. A great way to practice courage, by the way.
Stoicism provides the tools to respond to insults effectively. If you want to master them, flourish as a human being, and live a happy, eudaimonic life, then don't wait any longer and join Stoic Buddy. Stoicism is more fun than you may think :-)
