Discover how to overcome fear, conquer your aversions, and gain peace of mind through the teachings of Stoicism.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by fear and anxiety? Are your aversions holding you back from reaching your full potential? If so, it's time to take control of your life and make the necessary changes. The ancient philosophy of Stoicism can help guide you on this journey. With its teachings, you can learn how to overcome your fears and conquer any aversion that stands in your way. By doing so, you will be able to find inner peace and enjoy greater success in all areas of life. So let's get started!
TL;DR
You need to develop courage and use reason to overcome your fears and aversions. There are several steps you can take, such as brainstorming, visualizing the worst-case scenario, journaling, creating mantras, and taking an outside view. Practicing these activities will help you face your fears and gain control over them for greater freedom and happiness.
The demon inside of us
"Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate." Seneca, Oedipus, 992
Perhaps more than anything else, fear and anxiety hold us back in every aspect of our lives. Like a demon, fear tries to defeat us from the inside. It shows us a wide variety of possible negative consequences followed by our choices and actions. Once we allow fear to set up home in our souls, it opens the door for other unpleasant guests like shame, insecurities, doubts, worries, nervousness, or the feeling that something is wrong with us. We become scared of certain decisions or situations and avoid them. Fear makes us more guarded in sharing our hearts and emotions because we can't bear the nightmare of getting hurt. In other words, fear is the force that hinders us from our potential, from being who we can be, and from flourishing.
What are aversions?
"Let not future things disturb you, for you will come to them, if it shall be necessary, having with you the same reason which you now use for present things." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.8
Fear doesn't show us reality. It just makes us worried or scared about illusions, things that might happen in the future or might not. We get disturbed and develop aversions. Aversions are the flip side of our desires. We pursue something because we believe what we desire brings us happiness. When we are averse to something and try to avoid it (because of our fear), we think avoiding it would bring us happiness.
It is natural to form aversions so that we can avoid situations that may lead to discomfort or pain. So, if you feel fear and have dislikes, congratulations, this is normal. You are a human being. There's nothing wrong with you.
For example, if you had a bad experience with public speaking, you will likely form an aversion to speaking in public. Aversions can lead to a cycle of avoidance as we try to protect ourselves from future pain or discomfort.
In short, aversions are our fears and dislikes. They include fears - small and large - fear of death, fear of illness, fear of losing someone or something, fear of loneliness, or the fear of public speaking. It also includes our dislikes, like the dislike for vegetables, fish, or activities like hiking.
Where's the problem?
"There is no limit to our sorrows, if we induldge our fears to the greatest possible extends." Seneca, Moral letters 13.12
We feel fear because we want things that are outside our control. Precisely here lies the problem. While there's nothing wrong with fears and aversions in general, they become a problem when we fear and try to avoid things outside our control. Then, they become obstacles to a flourishing life and fulfilling our full potential as human beings. When our aversions to external things are too many or too intense, our world narrows, and we lose our freedom. Our world shrinks, and we become the servants of our fears. Our choices narrow when we are too opposed to many things - vegetables, fish, crowded places, foreigners, loud people, etc. There may be nothing wrong with making oneself such restrictions, but we're less free to act in the end.
As Stoics, we want to live a life of freedom, fearlessness, and openness - the complete opposite. Again, it's okay to have some minor aversions, but we want to ensure that we're not limiting ourselves to too many of them. Besides that, we want to ensure that our fears and aversions don't take over and rule our lives.
For instance, the fear of losing a loved one, our spouse, might lead to holding on to our relationship and constricting the other person. That, in turn, might lead to the loss of our loved one - the opposite of our initial intention. Or suppose you are too concerned about your job security. In that case, you become fearful of losing it, so you do almost everything to keep your job - even when you have to neglect your family and friends or do unethical things against your values.
How To Overcome And Transforming Fears
"A man may be called 'happy' who, thanks to reason, has ceased either to hope or to fear." Seneca, Of a happy life, 5
To overcome your aversions and transform your fears into something positive, you need a special skill - the virtue of courage. Backed with reason, you can courageously face your fears and gain power and control over them. As a consequence, you overcome your fears and gain freedom.
You are the creator of your life, not your fears, dislikes, or any other kind of emotion!
8 Exersices To Overcome Fears And Anxiety
"When I see any one anxious, I say, what does this man mean? Unless he wanted something or other, not in his own power, how could he still be anxious?" Epictetus, Discourses 2.13
1. What makes you afraid and why?
First, brainstorm for a few minutes about what causes your fears and aversions. It doesn't matter if they are big or small. Write all of them down to get a good impression of your status quo. That's the "what" or your trigger event.
Now, let's come to the why. Asking yourself why you have those feelings and what exactly you fear is necessary to understand the underlying reasons. You might fear running into a burning house (trigger) because you could die (reason). Or you might fear talking to strangers because you could be ridiculed (reason).
Developing this self-knowledge is essential to overcome your fears.
2. What does fear feel like?
Fear is a strong emotion causing physical reactions like trembling or a wobbling voice. In order to face your fear or anxiety, it's vital to recognize and acknowledge how fear feels in your body. Once you are conscious of those feelings, you can use reason and rationality to conquer your fear.
Take a minute and jot down the typical physical reactions you experience. This will help you become aware of your feelings and bring them to your conscious mind.
Here are 7 common things that might happen:
- Rapid heart rate
- Sweating
- Shaking
- Shortness of breath
- Nausea or stomach distress
- Chest Tightness
- Dizziness or lightheadedness
3. Premeditatio malorum
One of the best methods to take away some of the power of fear is to confront it beforehand mentally. Stoics do that with the so-called premeditatio malorum exercise.
Please do the following: Imagine and visualize one of your fears coming true - the worst-case scenario. What's the absolute worst outcome? Imagine that as vividly as possible. How does it feel? What about the surroundings? Make it a living scenery and visualize every detail. Would it be the end of the world? Now, picture yourself looking at your fear, overcoming it, and moving forward. Can you face it? Visualize yourself doing so.
Finished? Great, you've done the first step and faced your fear mentally. Now, it can't surprise you anymore so easily when it occurs.
4. Journal
The next step is to find a real-world solution to face and overcome your fear. This can help to build confidence in your abilities, put fears into perspective, and make them easier to deal with. And journaling is an excellent way of doing that. It helps to get rid of mental clutter and emotions. Journaling is like a "brain dump" and a great way to reflect on yourself.
Write down what you felt while imagining the worst-case scenario. What did that experience teach you? Reflect critically and constructively on your thoughts, actions, and emotions. Be honest with yourself. Try to figure out where your fear is rooted. What happened in the past that triggered it?
After that, think about and write down some counter strategies. What can you do to prevent the worst-case scenario from happening? Is it inevitable that the worst-case will occur? What can you do to increase the likelihood that the worst-case won't happen? If it does happen, what are your options to deal with it using courage and reason? Think it all through.
5. Mantras
Knowing your fears and having your counter-strategies is wonderful, but how can you remember them when stressed? Stoic mantras are your friend! Create a short and powerful phrase that sums up your attitude towards life - something that gives you strength and power. Short and memorable phrases or sentences that have meaning to you and help you to make it through tough situations.
6. Take an outside view
It could also help to imagine a situation where a friend asks for help. How would you help and advise them? Then, answer those questions for yourself. What would you do differently if it was someone else and not yourself?
7. Talk to a friend or family member
Stoicism emphasizes the importance of our social nature. They believe that we are all members of a big human family and that we should care about others. It's all about embracing our natural need for connection and community. Thus, solid relationships with others are one key to a fulfilling and eudaimonic life.
Building a strong bond by opening up about your fears and confiding in someone you trust can massively improve relationships. And the best part is that we can overcome many fears by simply talking about them. Are you jealous because you fear your partner may break up? Talk about it and get their point of view. Maybe your worries are irrational and without foundation.
Talking through your fears is a great way to learn, grow, and improve relationships. Be courageous, share your feelings with someone close, and see how they can help.
8. Practice, practice, practice
And lastly - get out there and start practicing. Expose yourself to your fears and aversions step by step, little by little - so as not to overwhelm yourself. It will be uncomfortable, but once you get used to facing them, your fears and aversions will slowly start to fade away.
