Unhappiness and frustration: the bitter fruit of false Life expectations
Do you sometimes feel like life is just too hard? Do you get stressed, quickly disappointed, and feel overwhelmed by all the limitations you come across? Does it all seems like nothing, and no one meets your expectations in life? If so, it's time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. By learning to manage our expectations with Stoicism, you can reduce stress and increase your happiness. This article will explore the concept of managing expectations with Stoicism and provide practical tips on how to do so. So if you're ready for a happier life, read on!
Why Expectation Management is Crucial for Eudaimonia
"This is caused by our excessive self-love: we think that we ought to remain uninjured even by our enemies: every man bears within his breast the mind of a despot, and is willing to commit excesses, but unwilling to submit to them." Seneca, Of Anger, 2.31
Because we expect that everything, every event, and every encounter with strangers, colleagues, or friends is to our liking and will benefit us, we too often find ourselves disappointed or frustrated with the outcome. We fail to realize that no one and nothing exists to fulfill our expectations; rather, life is unpredictable and ever-changing.
Having unreasonable expectations is nothing more than ignorance of life's uncertainties and an ego-driven attempt to control the uncontrollable. It's ridiculous, but instead of getting what we desire, we create our own unhappiness and move away from a flourishing life. It's a downward spiral to self-doubt, frustration, or even a fearful outlook on life.
In short:
Expectations lead to unhappiness.
No expectations increase the likelihood of achieving eudaimonia.
That's the simple answer to why you should manage your expectations, adjusting them to a more realistic view. Free yourself of this burden. Stoicism is here to help you in this endeavor!
5 Exercises On How To Use Stoicism To Manage Your Expectations
By actively managing expectations, you can cultivate a more realistic outlook of yourself and the world around you, thereby reducing stress and increasing your sense of well-being. Through this process of expectation management, you can achieve eudaimonia - human flourishing. So let's get started with the practical stuff.
Be Courageous - Face Reality
"A cucumber is bitter. – Throw it away. – There are briers in the road. – Turn aside from them. – This is enough. Do not add, "And why were such things made in the world?" For you will be ridiculed by a man who is acquainted with nature, as you would be ridiculed by a carpenter and shoemaker if you did find fault because you see in their workshop shavings and cuttings from the things which they make. And yet they have places into which they can throw these shavings and cuttings, and the universal nature has no external space." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.50
Don't resist reality, but accept that the world is optimizing for the whole, not primarily for you. Life can be unfair, no doubt about it. Don't expect that people will treat you fairly, that you will always succeed, or assume that life will turn out as you desire. Now, should you expect that people treat you unfairly? Absolutely not! You shouldn't expect others to mistreat you, lose all the time, or that life won't turn out as you desire.
Expect nothing and embrace everything you get.
Become a Stoic Archer
"Things not dependent on my own will are nothing to me." Epictetus, Discourses 1.30
Cultivate a process-driven mindset instead of an outcome driven. That's what the Stoic Archer exercise is about. Imagine you are a Stoic archer, standing in front of the target and aiming for the bullseye. You take your stance, draw your bow, and let go of the arrow. Where does it land?
It doesn't matter! The important thing is that you've done everything within your power to hit the bullseye – you've done your absolute best. Expectations about the outcome? Not at all! It's the process, not the result, which is essential.
Be Like Water - Flexible
Life is a thrilling adventure, and, once again, it almost always goes differently than planned and expected. It's full of surprises. Learning to go with the flow helps you manage expectations and avoid disappointment. The trick is to embrace them, roll with the punches, and take whatever comes your way to transform it into something positive. Navigate your way through life's surprises. Don't let the unexpected dictate your life. Be like water – flexible and powerful.
Let Go Of Perfection
No one, not a single person on mother earth, is perfect. You won't be the first one, and I'm confident you won't encounter one in your lifetime. Sorry to burst your bubble, but perfection is a fallacy and is not worth pursuing. Mistakes are part of life. No matter if they were yours or others. Failure happens. That means there's always the potential that things fail to end up perfectly.
Don't expect perfection from yourself or others. Does someone wrong you? Maybe not on purpose! A great chance to practice kindness. Did you make a mistake? Learn from it!
Keep Perspective
You had high expectations, and now things didn't turn out as initially planned? That's life! It happens to everyone all the time. Step back and observe what happened, don't get stuck in it. Zoom out and gain some perspective. Try the view from above; consider a greater perspective. So, how are things going for you now?
How does it help to manage your expectations? Well, reflecting on your expectation will boost your capacity to let go of future expectations. The better you become at reflecting on them, the greater your odds. And you know what? Almost every time you face something unjust, unfair, or downright frustrating, it's all connected to those tricky expectations!
To sum up, managing expectations has its price. It'll require a lot of effort and dedication to work on yourself. However, unleashing its full potential has huge benefits for your peace of mind. Feelings of stress or other negative emotions weaken over time, and as a consequence, your flourishing toward happiness will speed up.
Happy expectation management and brace yourself because the path to eudaimonia is about to take a thrilling leap forward!
