Overcoming Self-Doubt: How Stoicism Can Help You

Self-doubt can be grueling. While it's human to doubt occasionally, chronic and intense self-doubt can wreak havoc on our lives. It can cripple our confidence, prevent us from taking risks, and leave us helpless and stuck. When self-doubts take over, they can negatively impact our self-esteem. We begin to ruminate about our self-worth and chosen path in life.

But there is hope: Stoicism can help you to tap into your inner strength to overcome self-doubts.

What is self-doubt?

Before we start with appropriate Stoic practices to handle self-doubt, we first need to understand its causes.

So, let's look at what the dictionary says: Self-doubt is a lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.

In other words: Self-doubt is a symptom of a deeply rooted belief: I am not enough. We perceive ourselves as deficient, and our inner critics fuel the fear of rejection and what others might think about us.

The following list is probably not exhaustive, but it shows the variety of different possible causes of self-doubt:

• Negative, traumatic experiences with the environment, disappointments, and rejections are projected onto oneself.
• Lack of trust, appreciation, empathy, and care from others towards oneself.
• Prejudice and discrimination in society towards oneself.
• General false worldview due to the influence of mass media and cognitive distortions.
• (Supposed) competition and development pressure, comparison with others.
• Questioning of one's own actions, ideals, and personality (identity crisis).
• Being overwhelmed and unable to deal with a problem or situation.
• Feelings of guilt and loss that make one doubt oneself, for example, because one could not intervene or not intervene enough.
• Timidity or social anxiety disorder.
• Stress and turbulent life situations.

What causes your self-doubts? That's your number one task to figure out! Understand yourself and where your feeling of not being enough is rooted.

How? By applying the teachings of Stoicism!

How to overcome self-doubts with Stoicism?

You might ask yourself how you can stop self-doubting and break free from the shackles of your inner critic. Well, the main goal of Stoicism is to live a eudaimonic life (a good life), which is achieved by living in accordance with nature, meaning living a life led by virtue. To live in harmony with nature, you must understand your nature. The nature of you as a human being in general, but also your nature as an individual with individual struggles, weaknesses, and strengths.

This is why Stoicism encourages each practitioner to ask oneself each day these questions:

1. What went well?
2. What went bad?
3. Where can I improve?

To overcome self-doubts or low self-esteem, we want to increase self-confidence. 

Increased confidence = lesser self-doubts

Asking yourself these three questions every day will increase your awareness of your weaknesses and, more importantly, your strengths. With time this becomes a real self-confidence boost.

Want more? Then let's tackle your self-doubt and develop the strength to overcome them!

Get to know the roots

"But in the first place, be not hurried away by excitement; but say, Semblance, wait for me a little. Let me see what you are, and what you represent. Let me try you." Epictetus, Discourses 2.28

As mentioned above, this is your number one task! Once you know where your self-doubts are coming from, you can move forward. It's not that the other exercises will change depending on the cause, but it'll help you get to know yourself better. As a consequence applying the different practices to your situation becomes easier.

From a Stoic perspective, the feeling of self-doubt is just an impression. Something that occurs in our minds and needs to be tested with rationality and reason.

So here's what you can do.

Write a journal

Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you identify your self-doubts' origin. This will help you understand our doubts and how they affect you mentally and emotionally.

When writing about your self-doubts, also write about some positive experiences, actions, or decisions you made. That can help you feel more grateful and changes your attitude toward yourself.

Then, after you've written about your emotions and the situation (which I believe is essential to learn more about yourself), try the "5 Whys" technique to challenge your doubts more rationally.

Example 1

Problem: I'm experiencing self-doubt because I'm struggling in my new job.

1. "Why am I feeling self-doubt?" I made a mistake during my first week in the new company.
2. "Why did I make a mistake?" I was nervous and didn't fully understand my task.
3. "Why was I nervous?" I'm still adjusting to the new job. The environment and tools are entirely new to me. So I don't feel confident in my abilities yet.
4. "Why don't I feel confident in my abilities?" I tend to doubt myself and focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths.
5. "Why do I have this tendency?" I've had negative experiences in the past where my boss constantly criticized me and made me feel I wasn't good enough.

In this case, you might work on building confidence in your abilities by focusing on your strengths and recognizing that making mistakes is a part of the learning process. You might also work on reframing your negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

Example 2

Problem: I'm self-doubting because I can't maintain a healthy lifestyle.

1. "Why am I feeling self-doubt?" Because I keep giving in to unhealthy habits for ages. I'm constantly failing, even though I know they're not good for me.
2. "Why do I keep giving in to unhealthy habits?" Because I don't have enough willpower and can't resist my temptations.
3. "Why don't I have enough willpower?" Because I'm not getting enough sleep and feel tired all the time.
4. "Why am I not getting enough sleep?" Because I have trouble winding down at night. So I spend a lot of time on my phone or watching TV.
5. "Why am I spending so much time on my phone or watching TV?" Because I'm feeling stressed. I'm using it to distract myself and to quiet my mind.

In this case, you might work on improving your sleep habits by creating a calming bedtime routine and reducing your screen time before bed. You might also work on managing your stress through mindfulness practices like meditation.

Don't overvalue the opinion of others

"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.4

The opinions of others are outside our control and, therefore, indifferent. Though seeking external validation and approval is inherent to human nature, we must learn not to place undue weight on them. Surely, we are social creatures, and socialization is essential for human survival. Strong relationships are vital for our overall health and well-being, but we can't control others' perspectives and beliefs. As practicing Stoics, that's what we have to keep in mind.

"If any man is able to convince me and show me that I do not think or act right, I will gladly change; for I seek the truth, by which no man was ever injured. But he is injured who abides in his error and ignorance." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.21

Value feedback and appreciate different opinions but never ever prioritize it over yours. Use it as a chance to reassess yourself and determine what you can learn. What aligns with your values? What doesn't? How can you improve yourself? This kind of self-reflection builds self-confidence. As a wisdom seeker, be willing to revise your views when you realize you're incorrect or misunderstood something. This shows true strength. However, firstly, examine your initial impression; prove your judgment using logic and rationality.

"Constantly observe who those are whose approbation you wish to have, and what ruling principles they possess. For then you will neither blame those who offend involuntarily, nor will you want their approbation, if you look to the sources of their opinions and appetites." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.62

Furthermore, the opinions of others are a poor reflection of your true self, distorted by their perceptions and biases. Maybe they're judging you on your past actions or current circumstances, but that's no indication of your future potential. Everyone makes mistakes, but what you learn from them makes you who you are today. Remember, other people's opinions are often just a snapshot of your behavior - they don't define you. So don't let the weight of their judgments hold you down. Keep moving forward and stay true to yourself.

Keep moving forward and build self-confidence to overcome your self-doubts.

Premeditatio malorum

"We should therefore reflect upon all contingencies, and fortify our minds against the evils which may possibly come. Exile, the torture of disease, wars, shipwreck, - we must think on these. Chance may tear you from your country or your country from you, or may banish you to the desert; this very place, where throngs are stifling, may become a desert. Let us place before our eyes in its entirety the nature of man's lot, and if we would not be overwhelmed, or even dazed, by those unwonted evils, as if they were novel, let us summon to our minds beforehand, not as great an evil as oftentimes happens, but the very greatest evil that possibly can happen. We must reflect upon fortune fully and completely." Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, On the Lesson to be Drawn from the Burning of Lyons, 7-8

Premeditatio malorum is an invaluable tool for overcoming self-doubt and cultivating inner strength. Also known as negative visualization, this Stoic practice can help to prepare for unexpected adversity and develop resilience. It is a powerful exercise that consists of visualizing worst-case scenarios or situations before they happen. We examine our reactions to them and develop coping strategies in advance.

For example, imagine what it would be like if you failed an important test or didn't get the job you were hoping for. How would you feel? What would be your reaction? How would you handle it and move forward? Asking yourself all these questions in advance can reduce the emotional pain when the worst case happens by mentally preparing you for potential disappointment.

Furthermore, you can identify possible obstacles and develop a strategy to handle them. This can help reduce the possibility of failures and increases your confidence. It helps to identify your strengths and weaknesses and develop the courage to face challenges. As a result, it can reduce fears and insecurities.

Challenge negative self-talk

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things." Epictetus, Enchiridion 5

Self-doubts are often going hand in hand with overthinking and brooding. It limits your ability to take action and lessens your self-confidence. When you notice negative thoughts or self-talk, challenge it. Tackle it with neutral thinking and judge your situations objectively, meaning not your or others' opinion but evidence-based facts.

"Take away your opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint: 'I have been harmed.' Take away the complaint that 'I have been harmed' and the harm is taken away." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.7

For example, when you're overwhelmed by a situation and unable to deal with it, don't think, "I'm so weak and useless. I can't do anything". Instead, think: "This is a difficult situation, but I'm sure with the right strategy, I can handle it." You transform your thoughts from negative to neutral, which will help you to free yourself from emotional distress. Then you focus on what you can control and do your best.

Give yourself advice from the outside

"The will of Nature may be learned from things upon which we are all agreed. As, when our neighbor's boy has broken a cup, or the like, we are ready at once to say, "These are casualties that will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup is likewise broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Now apply this to greater things. Is the child or wife of another dead? There is no one who would not say, "This is an accident of mortality." But if any one's own child happens to die, it is immediately, "Alas! how wretched am I!" It should be always remembered how we are affected on hearing the same thing concerning others." Epictetus, Enchiridion 26 

Imagine you have a friend asking for help. She's facing the same situation you have to deal with right now. What would you say to her? What advice can you give?

This helps to put things into perspective and to consider your situation more neutral with less emotional weight.

Stop comparing yourself to others

"Things not dependent on my own will are nothing to me." Epictetus, Discourses 1.30

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Stop comparing yourself to others to increase your confidence in yourself and your abilities. Why? Simply because it makes no sense. You can't compare your life to others unless they grew up under the same circumstances with the same experiences and challenges you had. How can you compare your life at point D when the life of another one is at point X?

Everyone has their own journey and experiences in life, which makes us unique. Comparing yourself to others will not help you; on the contrary, it can lead to self-doubt and unhappiness. You limit yourself by relating your life to the life of others. You don't know what they went through, what challenges they faced, what hardships they had to endure, and how happy they really are. And isn't that what you are striving for? Happiness, eudaimonia, serenity?

Don't compare! Focus on yourself and what you can control in the present moment.

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Good luck on your Stoic journey to overcoming self-doubt - enjoy the process!