The Stoic Way To An Untroubled Mind
There's a simple Stoic rule from Epictetus, the ancient Stoic philosopher, to find serenity and peace of mind even if there's chaos around. Control only what you genuinely can and accept everything else.
The dichotomy of control is so profound and universally applicable to nearly all facets of life that we can easily navigate life's ups and downs - clear-headed and without being the victim of our circumstances.
So, if you regularly become slightly agitated or feel somewhat nervous when things don't go as you thought, the dichotomy of control is what you need to nurture in your life.
What Is The Dichotomy Of Control
"There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and, in one word, whatever affairs are our own. Beyond our power are body, property, reputation, office, and, in one word, whatever are not properly our own affairs." Epictetus, Enchiridion 1
Too often, we find ourselves complaining about our circumstances, yet we oversee that there are forces outside we can't control. Unconsciously, we put ourselves in the role of the victim, where everything seems to be unfair.
We ruminate about the past, are worried about the future, and waste our mental energy on things we can control in the present. We start to suffer.
The solution of Stoicism: The dichotomy of control.
The basic idea of the dichotomy of control is to overcome this thinking trap by using our mental energy to focus on what is under our complete control in the present moment while radically accepting what is not within our power.
It's a framework that helps in problem-solving and decision-making. In its essence, we divide everything that happens into two categories:
- Things we can control.
- Things we can't control.
Once the distinction is clear, Stoics accept what they can't control and place all their effort into what they can in the here and now.
On an intellectual level, it might sound reasonable at first, but when adversities arise and emotions kick in, it soon becomes challenging. The only solution is to develop an in-depth understanding, ingraining the concept deeply inside our souls so it becomes second nature.
Let me explain it in two examples.
Example 1:
You're standing in line at your favorite bagel shop and want to order your everything bagel as usual. Then, the guy in front of you orders the last dozen of everything bagels, and you have to decide on another one. While it's mildly exasperating, it's not the end of the world; you make another choice and quickly move on with your day.
Example 2:
You're on your way home on a regular workday, looking forward to seeing your spouse. But instead of seeing your spouse, the entire flat is empty. Your spouse, apparently, left you. Emotions become overwhelming; you feel sad, angry, worried, desperate - all at the same time. Now, what's within your control? You can indulge in self-pity, huddle in a corner, cry your heart out, or take a deep breath and focus on your next move: Your emotional response or how you reach out for support from family and friends.
In such a scenario, you can't control your spouse's behavior. It happened, and yes, it is heartbreaking, but it wasn't up to you. Still, emotions are valid and reasonable, but they shouldn't cloud your mind, becoming an internal obstacle on your future path. In such a life-changing situation, the time to work through these emotions will come, but only after some time when you've recovered from the initial shock.
When faced with an emotionally demanding situation like this, the dichotomy of control can be empowering and helps not to get frozen or helpless. Instead, it allows us to remain active, navigating the inner and outer chaos with resilience and strength.
A Common But False Interpretation Of The Dichotomy Of Control
When we should accept what we can't control, should we then accept racism, adultism, injustice, or climate change and move on just because it's beyond our control? That's a common misunderstanding of the dichotomy of control.
Of course, we shouldn't. The dichotomy of control is not an excuse for ignoring larger societal problems. But the question is, what can we do about it in the present moment? Because it is so critical to understand, I repeat it. What can we, personally, do in the here and now, at this particular point in time, in the present moment?
There's a lot we all can do in our everyday actions; just think about it briefly.
That understanding of what we can do in the present moment is where the Stoic mindset differs from the average Joe's. Stoics approach these challenges with the mindset of the Stoic archer. While we might not find a solution to climate change today, we can do the best to our abilities every single moment to fight it. The outcome is not up to us. But the Stoic secret to happiness lies in finding satisfaction and joy in our daily - virtuous - acts.
When happiness is attached to outcomes, disappointment is guaranteed - finally, many forces can prevent our arrow from hitting its target. On the contrary, our daily actions are 100% in our power.
How To Apply The Dichotomy Of Control In Real Life
As simple as it may sound, it needs practice to cultivate the dichotomy of control in our hearts, souls, and minds.
Here are 3 straightforward ways:
Preparation Through Reflection
To direct your mental energy toward the Stoic perspective, you start by reflecting on events that recently caused you some (mental) trouble. Choose something that wasn't emotionally overly upsetting to find a smooth entry to internalize the dichotomy of control.
Grab a pen and paper and write down your experiences in a few sentences to get the circumstances back to your consciousness.
Next, create a table with two columns: complete control and Incomplete control. You can now separate everything you described into these two categories and should end up with a list of things you can and can't control.
Example:
Like every morning, I wanted to brush my teeth after breakfast, and I was the last one who enters the bathroom. Everyone brushed their teeth, and my wife said, "Sorry, but we have no toothpaste anymore. It was just enough for the rest of us". I searched for a new one but soon realized we didn't have one. I felt angry and grumbled at my wife for not leaving something for me. I had a meeting this morning and didn't want to go there without clean teeth and fresh breath. I now had to hurry to buy new toothpaste and brush my teeth at the office toilet. Not a nice place to brush my teeth. I was annoyed.
Preparation Through Foresighted Consideration
After considering the past, the next thing you can do is look into the future. What does a typical day of yours look like? As a Stoic novice, begin by listing all the major events you go through during the day. As you progress in your Stoic journey, you can add new events to your list to make it more comprehensive.
After you've listed your events, you can use the table method to distinguish between things within your power and outside your control.
Example (only the main events):
- Get up.
- Make breakfast
- Go to work.
- Start to work.
- Lunch.
- Work.
- Commute home.
- Have dinner with my family.
- Enjoy time with my family.
- Go to bed.
Example (comprehensive list):
- Get up.
- Go to the toilet.
- Brush my teeth.
- Have a shower.
- Put on my clothes.
- Make breakfast.
- Eat breakfast
- Go to work.
- ...
Applying The Dichotomy Of Control On The Fly
Reflecting on past events is always a proper way to discover our behavior and perceptions. But if we don't apply the learnings we gain from these reflections, they are almost meaningless.
During the day, whenever you catch a new impression or event and feel yourself resisting, try to ask yourself what is in your control and what is not. It's not necessary to write it down, but answer this question immediately in your mind. It might help you count these moments to help you keep track of how aware you are and how successful you have been.
7 Stoic Quotes On The Dichotomy Of Control
While the classic definition of the dichotomy of control is already mentioned above, you'll find seven of my favorite quotes from ancient Stoic philosophers below. Those quotes remind us to focus our energy on things within our power rather than wasting our capacities on things that aren't.
"Thus in life too, the chief business, to consider and discriminate things; and say, Externals are not in my power; choice is. Where shall I seek good and evil? Within; in what is my own. But in what is controlled by others, count nothing good or evil, profitable or hurtful, or any such thing." Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5
"Seek at once, therefore, to be able to say to every unpleasing semblance, You are bu a semblance and by no means the real thing. And then examine it by those rules which you have; and first and chiefly, by this: whether it concerns the things which are within our own power, or those which are not; and if it concerns anything beyond our power, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you." Epictetus, Enchiridion 1
"If you wish your children, and your wife, and your friends, to live forever, you are foolish; for you wish things to be in your power which are not so; and what belongs to others, to be your own. So likewise, if you wish your servant to be without fault, you are foolish; for you wish vice not to be vice, but something else. But if you wish not to be disappointed in your desires, that is in your own power. Exercise, therefore, what is in your power." Epictetus, Enchiridion 14
"For what, then, have they made you accountable? For that which is alone in your own power; a right use of things as they appear. Why, then, should you draw those cares upon yourself, for which you are not accountable? This is giving one's self vexation, without need." Epictetus, Discourses 1.12
"In our own power are the will, and all voluntary actions; out of our power, the body and its parts, property, parents, brothers, children, country; and, in short, all our fellow-beings." Epictetus, Discourses 1.22
"Your good faith is your own, your self-respect is your own; for who can take those away from you? Who apart from yourself can prevent you from making use of them? But for your own part, how do you behave? Whenever you devote your attention to what is not your own, you lose what is truly your own." Seneca, Letters on Ethics, 6.7
"Everywhere and at all times it is in your power piously to acquiesce in your present condition, and to behave, justly to those who are about you, and to exert your skill upon your present thoughts, that nothing shall steal into them without being well examined." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.54
Final Thoughts
The first thing you should take with you is this question: What can I control here and now?
Use it as your mantra, the number one question you ask yourself when difficulties challenge you.
Once you've fully grasped the concept of the dichotomy of control, you'll make massive progress in your Stoic journey toward a happy life. That leaves me with the second and last thing: Expand your understanding beyond intellectual comprehension to reach this grasp.
